Bridal

Your Responsibility

Whether or not your attendants should contribute to the cost of their outfits is a tricky dilemma and it's important that this is discussed and everyone is aware of their financial responsibilities as soon as possible. It's far better to agree a compromise during the early stages than to risk a misunderstanding and possibly a serious upset because this hadn't been discussed at the very beginning

Finally, this is an exciting day for everyone involved so although your attendants have a very important role to perform in helping your day run smoothly.

Matron of Honour or Best Woman

This most important attendant has a vital role in your preparations and plays a supporting role throughout your wedding day

If she's single, she is your chief bridesmaid, if she's married she is your matron of honour and more recently she is often called the best woman, but whatever her title, she is as important to you as the best man is to your groom. Usually she will either be your best friend, sister or other very close female relative, maybe even a daughter if you have grown up children.

Chief Bridesmaid Duties

You should involve your chief bridesmaid in discussions and decisions in the planning stages and use her as a sounding board for your ideas.

Her main duty is to be your personal assistant. She should be someone you can rely on to chase quotes if required and calm you down when stress gets the better of you.

Your other main attendants are your bridesmaids and pageboys who are traditionally close relations or friends from either of your families.

Young bridesmaids and pageboys make be a beautiful addition to your bridal party, with their uninhibited and natural behaviour providing much amusement and some relief from the tensions of the day.

However, age is an important factor when choosing these attendants, as while very young bridesmaids and pageboys may look delightful they could end up being a fidgeting nightmare and are often reluctant to perform to cue.
This is where your chief bridesmaid will come into her own, as does a small bag of sweets to encourage good behaviour. Although perhaps chocolate is best avoided. I found colouring books and pencils kept the little ones entertained for the whole of the wedding ceremony.

The main function of your bridesmaids and pageboys is to accompany you during your ceremony and generally add to the beauty of the day. The flower girl is usually an extra to your bridesmaids and traditionally walks in front of the bridal party on their way down the aisle at the start of the ceremony. As her name suggests, she scatters petals or confetti the ground for you to walk through. However, many places do not permit this, so instead she can carry a basket of confetti or petals during the ceremony, and then distribute it outside at the end of the service.
A flower girl is usually a young child, often dressed as a flower fairy, but there is no reason why an older relative or friend shouldn't perform this role. However, if your flower girl is very young then it may be wise to allow her to make her entrance with you and then sit with her parents during the ceremony and rejoin you afterwards for the recessional.

Traditions

Incorporating wedding traditions in your wedding day is a wonderful and fun way of celebrating and recognising the historical importance of marriage within a modern context. Listed below are many of the traditions that are still popular throughout the United Kingdom today. Many of the traditions date back many hundreds of years and consequently their origins are not fully known although most have their roots in ancient superstitious beliefs. So, if you read other explanations elsewhere, don't be surprised since there are many about and they all sound plausible.

Something old, new, borrowed and blue...
The full wording of this popular bridal attire rhyme, which dates back to the Victorian times is 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence your shoe.' Something old refers to wearing something that represents a link with the bride's family and her old life. Usually, the bride wears a piece of family jewellery or maybe her mother's or grandmother's wedding dress.

Wearing something new represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. The bride's wedding dress  is usually chosen, if purchased new, but it can be any other new item of the bride's wedding attire.
Wearing something borrowed, which has already been worn by a happy bride at her wedding, is meant to bring good luck to the marriage. Something borrowed could be an item of bridal clothing, a handkerchief or an item of jewellery.
Wearing something blue dates back to biblical times when the colour blue was considered to represent purity and fidelity. Over time this has evolved from wearing a blue clothing to wearing a blue band around the bottom of the bride's dress and to modern times where the bride wears a blue or blue-trimmed garter or her jewellery has a touch of blue to it.

...and a silver sixpence in your shoe
Placing a silver sixpence in the bride's left shoe is a symbol of wealth. This is not just to bring the bride financial wealth but also a wealth of happiness and joy throughout her married life.

Here are two English rhyme that tells of your fate for marriages in each month:

Married when the year is new, He'll be loving,kind and true.
When February birds do mate You wed nor dread your fate.
If you wed when March winds blow Joy and sorrow both you'll know.
Marry in April when you can Joy for maiden and the man.
Marry in the month of May And you'll surely rue the day.
Marry when the June roses grow Over land and sea you'll go.
Those who in July do wed Must labour for their daily bread.
Whoever wed in August be, Many a change is sure to see.
Marry in September's shine, Your living will be rich and fine.
If in October you do marry Love will come, but riches tarry.
If you wed in bleak November Only joys will come, remember
When December's snows fall fast, Marry and true love will last.

Married in January's roar and rime, Widowed you'll be before your prime.
Married in February's sleepy weather, Life you'll tread in time together.
Married when March winds shrill and roar, Your home will lie on a distant shore.
Married 'neath April's changeful skies, A checkered path before you lies.
Married when bees o'er May blossoms flit, Strangers around your board will sit.
Married in month of roses June, Life will be one long honeymoon.
Married in July with flowers ablaze, Bitter-sweet memories in after days.
Married in August's heat and drowse, Lover and friend in your chosen spouse.
Married in September's golden glow, Smooth and serene your life will go.
Married when leaves in October thin, Toil and hardships for you begin.
Married in veils of November mist, Fortune your wedding ring has kissed.
Married in days of December's cheer, Love's star shines brighter from year to year.

The wedding veil
The origin of the wedding veil is unclear but it is thought that it predates the wedding dress by centuries. One explanation is that it is a relic of the days when a groom would throw a blanket over the head of the woman of his choice when he captured her and carted her off. Another explanation is that during the times of arranged marriages, the bride's face was covered until the groom was committed to her at the ceremony - so it would be too late for him to run off if he didn't like the look of her! It is also thought that the veil was worn to protect the bride from evil spirits that would be floating around on her wedding day.

These origins have all evolved into the tradition that the veil covers the bride's face throughout the ceremony until the minister pronounces the couple man and wife - although today, the veil is often lifted by the bride's father when the bride arrives at the alter.

Third finger, left hand
A bride's engagement ring and wedding ring are traditionally worn on the third finger of the left hand (the finger next to your little finger). Although there is no precise evidence to explain the origin of this tradition, there are two strongly held beliefs. The first, dating back to the 17th century, is that during a Christian wedding the priest arrived at the forth finger (counting the thumb) after touching the three fingers on the left hand '...in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost'. The second belief refers to an Egyptian belief that the ring finger follows the vena amoris, that is, the vein of love that runs directly to the heart.

Why the bride stands on the left
During the marriage ceremony, the bride stands on the left and the groom on the right. The origin of this goes back to the days when a groom would capture his bride by kidnapping her. If the groom had to fight off other men who also wanted her as their bride, he would hold his bride-to-be with his left hand allowing his right hand to be free to use his sword.

Leap year proposals
The right of every women to propose on 29th February each leap year, goes back many hundreds of years to when the leap year day had no recognition in English law (the day was 'lept over' and ignored, hence the term 'leap year'). It was considered, therefore, that as the day had no legal status, it was reasonable to assume that traditions also had no status. Consequently, women who were concerned about being 'left on the shelf' took advantage of this anomoly and proposed to the man they wished to marry.It was also thought that since the leap year day corrected the discrepancy between the calendar year of 365 days and the time taken for the Earth to complete one orbit of the sun (365 days and 6 hours), it was an opportunity for women to correct a tradition that was one-sided and unjust. For those wishing to take advantage of this ancient tradition, you will only have to wait until Sunday 29th February 2004.

Throwing confetti
The origin of throwing confetti over newly weds predated Christ since it originates from the ancient Pagan rite of showering the happy couple with grain to wish upon them a 'fruitful' union. Pagans believed that the fertility of the seeds would be transferred to the couple on whom they fell. The throwing of rice has the same symbolic meaning. The word confetti has the same root as the word 'confectioner'y”  in Italian and was used to describe 'sweetmeats' that is, grain and nuts coated in sugar that were thrown over newly weds for the same Pagan reason. In recent years, small pieces of coloured paper have replaced sweetmeats, grain and nuts as an inexpensive substitute but the use of the word confetti has remained. Confetti is now available in a wide range of colours and designs to match you wedding theme. Despite the longevity of this tradition, it is on the verge of extinction because the throwing of confetti is not permitted at most register offices and churches due to the mess it makes. However, the tradition may survive with the recent introduction of wedding bubbles, which provides an environmentally safe alternative.

Shoes and weddings
The tradition of tying shoes to the bumper of the newly wed's car has various believed origins ranging from the times of marriage by capture, with the bride's father throwing his shoe in anger at the escaping groom and his stolen bride to the notion that leather had the quality to protect against evil spirits and the tying of shoes to the back of the newly wed's transport would deter them from interference. Another belief is that shoes symbolise fertility (hence why Mother Goose's little old woman lived in a shoe).

The exchange or throwing of shoes once symbolised the fulfilment of a bargain, which, in the case of marriage, transferred the father's authority over the bride to her new husband. The Bride's father would give the groom one of her old shoes and the groom would tap the bride over the head with it, symbolising the acceptance of his new authority.

It was also considered to bring good luck to the bride and groom if their guests threw shoes at them, although one can only hope that their aims weren't too accurate. If the bride throws her shoe, it was thought that the one to catch it would be the next to marry, rather like the throwing of the bouquet. Finally, it was also considered lucky to get married in a pair of old shoes ( I am not sure of this one as I love shoes!)

Flowers

The carrying of flowers by the bride has its roots in ancient times when it was believed that strong smelling herbs and spices would ward off and drive away evil spirits, bad luck and ill health. Garlic and chives were also popular for the same reason. During Roman times, this tradition was extended, with the bride and groom wearing floral garlands signifying new life and hope for fertility. The bouquet in particular symbolised a women in bloom. During Victorian times, flowers took on an additional significance as lovers would send messages to each other using different flowers, with each flower having its own meaning. These associations were soon adopted for the bride's bouquet and are still used today by many brides. The most popular flowers with their traditional meanings are:

• Apple Blossom - Better things to come

• Camelia - Graditude

• Carnation - Fascination and love

• Chrysanthemum - Red - I love you

• Chrysanthemum - White - Truth

• Cyclamen - Modesty and shyness

• Daffodil - Regard

• Daisy - Innocence

• Fern - Fascination and sincerity

• Flowering Almond - Hope

• Forget-me-not - True love and remembrance

• Heliotrope - Devotion and faithfulness

• Honeysuckle - Generosity

• Hyacinth - Loveliness

• Hydrangea - Boastfulness

• Iris - Warmth of affection

• Ivy - Eternal fidelity

• Japonica - Loveliness

• Jasmine - Amiability

• Lemon Blossom - Fidelity in love

• Lilac (white) - Youthful innocence

• Lily - Majesty

• Lily-of-the-valley - Return of happiness

• Magnolia - Perseverance

• Maidenhair - Discretion

• Mimosa - Sensitivity

• Orange Blossom - Purity and virginity

• Peach Blossom - Captive

• Rose (red) - Love

• Rose (yellow) - Friendship

• Rose (coral) - Desire

• Rose (peach) - Modesty

• Rose (dark pink) - Thankfulness

• Rose (pale pink) - Grace

• Rose (orange) - Fascination

• Rose (white) - Innocence

• Rosemary - Remembrance

• Snowdrop - Hope

• Sweet Pea - Delicate pleasures

• Tulip - Love

• Veronica - Fidelity

• Violet - Faithfulness

There seems to be two explanations for this tradition where the groom carries his bride over the threshold when entering their home as a married couple for the first time. The first is to protect the bride from evil spirits that were thought to be lying in wait under the threshold. The second explanation relates to Roman times when it was believed that if the bride stumbled when entering the newlywed's home for the first time, it would bring bad luck and harm to their marriage. So carrying the bride across the threshold would prevent this from happening (although we haven't established the likely outcome to the marriage if the groom stumbled while carrying the bride!).

Wedding favours

The tradition of giving your guests something to remember the day by in the form of favours has been around for hundreds of years. Today, the tradition has evolved to giving each guest five sugar coated almonds to symbolise health, wealth, fertility, happiness and long-life. However, during the late 19th century at high society weddings, guests could expect to receive favours such as scarves, garters and gloves.

But why almonds? It appears that the association of almonds with love goes back to Greek legend with the story of a young man called Demophon, who met and fell in love with a Tracian princess, Phyllis. However, before the marriage ceremony could take place Demophon is informed that his father has died in Athens and he must return for the funeral. He promises to return by a certain date but errs on the time it will take him and does not return until three months later. By this time Phyllis is convinced that she will never see her lover again and hanged herself. The Gods, touched by her love, transform her into an almond tree. The grief stricken Demophon offered a sacrifice to the almond tree, declaring his undying love. In response, the almond tree blossomed. Impetuous youth and undying love were thus symbolised by the almond. Also, in his writings on natural history in 77AD, Pliny advised that eating five almonds would prevent drunkenness, therefore maybe the giving of the five almonds to wedding guests was to ensure that celebrations did not get out of hand.

Welsh love spoons

According to Welsh custom an admirer indicated his desire to woo a girl by carving her a wooden love spoon from which the words spooning originated, meaning to act amorously, and spooned which means a sentimental lover. Designs could be elaborate and were full of symbolism with various shapes having different meanings:

Heart	I love you.
Key	You hold the key to my heart.
Wheel	I plan to work hard for you.
Bell	Let's get married.
Links or beads	The number utilised in the spoon indicates the desired number of children.

Other Welsh customs include the bride removing a pin from her dress and throwing it over her shoulder as insurance for a happy marriage and another calls for the relatives of the bride to kidnap her on her arrival at church. The groom and his relatives then give chase with the end result being that whoever catches the bride will wed within the year.

The wedding cake

The wedding cake has a rich symbolic history of its own that is relatively forgotten today. The ancient Greeks threw cakes at the newly married couple, just as we throw confetti today. In Roman times, at the marriages of the upper classes, cakes made of flour, salt and water would firstly be shared by the bride and groom, which was thought to promise the couple a life of plenty, in both children and happiness. The remainder was then broken over the bride's head. The guests, believing they would share in the blessing it symbolised, would rush forward to procure a morsel for themselves. Furthermore, it was only the children born to a marriage sanctified in this way that qualified for the high sacred offices in Roman life, hence, not only did the cake provide the couple with future fertility, but also it promised their yet unconceived children with a propitious future.

A huge basket of dried biscuits was provided at the wedding ceremonies of the early Anglo Saxons where the guests would take one each and the remainder was shared amongst the poor. However, in later times the wedding guests would bring their own cakes, often spiced buns, which were piled into a huge mound. It was deemed to be good fortune if the bride and groom were able to kiss each other over the mountain of cakes, promising them life-long happiness and good fortune. Legend suggests that at about the time of King Charles II (1630-1685) a French chef, observing the tedious way that all the small cakes were piled on top of each other suggested icing the mound into one mass, out of which grew the traditional French celebration cake called the croquembouche. The many tiered, elaborately iced, traditional wedding cakes of today are based on the unusual shape of the spire of St Bride's church in London.

In Victorian times, the tradition of breaking the cake over the bride's head was believed to promote fertility and unmarried girls would pass a piece of the cake through the bride's wedding ring and place it under their pillow believing that they would dream of their future husband. In more recent times the cutting of the cake, once the sole responsibility of the bride, was symbolic of the bride's pending loss of virginity, and even now the wedding cake is often still regarded as a symbol of fertility, and its distribution among the guests is symbolic of the sharing of happiness - sharing is regarded as an important feature of all religions, hence the tradition of sending a piece of cake to those unable to attend the ceremony.

Jewellery

Jewellery must be carefully chosen with the wedding dress in mind. The neckline of the dress and the hairstyle- up or down - must be considered.

• The more ornate the dress, the less jewellery is needed; plainer dresses suit more decorative pieces.
• Necklaces must sit well and complement the shape of the neckline.
• Earrings should be simple and chosen to suit the bride's wedding hairstyle; no jewellery should detract from her face.
• Be cautious of large, dangly earrings, especially if the bride is wearing a veil.
• No rings, apart from the engagement ring, should be worn. On the wedding day, this is worn on the bride's right hand, leaving her finger ready for the wedding ring. She then puts her engagement ring back on her left hand after the ceremony.